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- Category: All new jokes (11900)
| Kategoria SMS- |
Losowy SMS: Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. . Q: Did you hear about
the blonde
coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 112 . Q:
When does a brunette have 1/2 of a
brain?
A: After a dye job. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 69 . Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 111 . Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea
in the morning?
A: It swells at night. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 90 . Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 104 . A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is
cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his
apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure
enough, when she
opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a
redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a
moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun
up
to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do
it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 523 . A blonde walks up
to a Coke machine and
puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks
amazed and runs away
to get some more coins. She returns and starts
feeding the machine
madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out
drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a
few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have
a
go.
The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see
I'm
winning!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 481 . One morning this blonde calls her friend and
says, "Would you mind
coming over and helping me out with this killer
jigsaw puzzle I bought --
I can't figure out how to get
started."
Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"
"From the
picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the
blonde.
The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the
front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
Then, he
turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I
do, I'm not
going to be able to show you how to assemble these to
look like the
picture of the tiger on the box."
"Why not?"
asks the disappointed blonde.
"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw
puzzle... what you have here is a
box of Frosted Flakes." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(morning): 866 . A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on
an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the
beach and discover a
magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three
wishes, you may each
have one."
The brunette says, "I've
been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and
she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've
been stuck here for years as well. I
miss my family, my husband, and
my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her
wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying
uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the
matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 870 . A blonde
is walking down the street with
her blouse open, exposing one of her
breasts.
A nearby
policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware
that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the
blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is
exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the
bus!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 392 . Q. Why was the blonde in the tree?
A.
Because she was raking up the leaves! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 78 . A blonde comes home from a
day of shopping
and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls
the fire
department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your
emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde
replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the
blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks
fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 432 . One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney
Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned
around and went home. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(day): 142 . A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk
if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and
says
that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes
her hair
black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks
the same thing and again
the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a
shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she
returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment,
this clerk
also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde
asks the clerk,
"How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks
at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's
a
microwave." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 750 . A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning
storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 104 . A man was trimming his
bushes. His neighbor
(the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see
that it's
empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out,
checks her mail again only to
see that it's still empty, and goes
back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is
there a
problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a
problem! My computer keeps
on telling me 'I've got mail'!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(man): 456 . Did you hear about the two
Blondes that
were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie
theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter". Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 157 . Q. What is eternity?
A. When 4 blondes meet
at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 81 . Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a
box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 85 . Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed
blonde
out of a tree?
A. Wave at her. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 88 . A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided
to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a
wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How
much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How
about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and
other materials that she might need were in the
garage. The man's
wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said
to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way
around the
house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short
time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man
reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde a
dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a
Ferrari." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 1008 . A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the
attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the
blonde,"I'm
sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you
please move to your
seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to
New York." The attendant said,"That's fine
miss, but you'll have to
go to your seat." The blonde responded
again, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to New
York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him
about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the
blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her
seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn
blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the
plane wasn't going to
New York." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 923 . Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off
a
building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette
because the blonde would stop for directions. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 159 . Q. What is a brunette between two
blondes?
A. An interpreter. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 64 . Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her
shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 93 . One day a blonde,
red-head, and a brunette
were driving through the desert when all of a sudden
their car
broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.
The
red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can
drink
it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so
if I
get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to
take
the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(day): 460 . One
day there was a blonde riding a horse.
The horse kept going faster and
faster until the blonde fell off,
with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for
help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over
and turned off the
merry-go-round. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( day): 268 . A blonde walks into a hair salon
to get her
hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off
her
headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off
and
the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the
headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe
out..." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 344 . A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and
deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead
in the bathtub. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 132 . A brunette,
a blonde, and a redhead were
standing in a line before a firing squad.
The commander says, "READY,
AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!"
All the people turned around
and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's
turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and
the redhead yells
"HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around
to look for the
hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The
commander says, "READY, AIM"
and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets
shot. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(brunette): 547 . Q. What do you call a
blonde who dies her
hair brown?
A. Artificial intelligence. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 86 . There's a brunette standing in the
middle
of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde
walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the
brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two
jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette
jumps
onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette
goes back
into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58,
58." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(a): 480 . Q.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the
medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 108 . Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather
jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue! Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 81 . Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a
closet?
A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 93 . Q.Why did the blonde get
thrown out of the
M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(why): 100 . One day while a blonde was out
driving her
car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her
pull over
into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of
chalk
and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the
middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and
slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man
angrier so
he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even
harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The
blonde is now
laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't
looking, I stepped
out of the circle three times!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(day): 738 . A redhead, a brunette and a blonde
all
escape from a prison together. They run into the nearby woods and all
climb up seperate trees. When the police find the redheads tree and ask
who is up there, the redhead chirps like a bird. Then the police go
to
the brunette's tree. When they ask who is up there, the
brunette makes
chipmunk noises. Finally, when the police go to the
blonde's tree and
ask who is up there, the blonde goes,"MOOOOOOOOOO!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(redhead): 468 . A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all
stuck
on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the
nearest
inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The
redhead
makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The
brunette
makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any
farther and drowns. The
blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted
island, decides she's too
tired to go any farther, and swims all the
way back to the deserted
island. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(blonde): 506 . Q. Why is it good to have a blonde
passenger?
A. You can park in the handicap zone. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 86 . Q. How did the blonde die
ice-fishing?
A. She was run over by the zambonis machine. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 88 . Q. What does a blonde
say when you blow in
her ear?
A. "Thanks for the refill!" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 84 . Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. They are
easier to keep amused. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 70 . Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass
wall?
A. To see what was on the other side. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 89 . Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a
mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker
at the bottom of the pool. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 144 . Q.
Why did the blonde get so excited when
she finished the jigsaw puzzle
after only 6 months?
A. Because on
the box it said: From 2-4 years. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 149 . Q. What did the blonde
say when she knocked
over a priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt." Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 112 . Q. How do you confuse a
blonde?
A. Put
her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner. Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 101 . Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A.
Alone Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 45 . One day, a blonde and her friend were walking
through the
park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a
dead birdie!"
The blonde looked up and said, "Where?" Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(day): 174 |
Mamy nadzieję, że Enion dotrzyma danej obietnicy
Listy. Zamiast dziurawych, szukajmy równych ulic
Podejrzana zwartość damskiej torebki
Drogie Panie, zanim wybierzecie się na zakupy, sprawdźcie dokładnie swoje torebki. Okazuje się bowiem, że to, co w nich nosicie, może wzmóc czujność sklepowej ochrony.
Motocykle wyprzedzą karetki ratunkowe
<img src='http://bi.gazeta.pl/im/8/7652/z7652458M.jpg' align='left' hspace='4' vspace='2'>Ratownicy na motocyklach już niebawem pojawią się na ulicach Krakowa. Porozumienie w tej sprawie podpisali wojewoda małopolski i prezes Fundacji R2 skupiającej ochotników.
Losowy
- do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon1
- did the judge say when the skunk was on trial2
- is the feeling that you've smelled a certain 3
- do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A 4
- do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!5
- happened to the skunk who failed his swimming 6
- did one skunk say to another? And so do you!7
- unk family had two little skunks they called In 8
- do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? 9
- is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are 10
- would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in 11
- 's the difference between a reindeer and a sno12
- do you call the reindeer with one eye higher 13
- has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and14
- do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a gir15
- 's black and white and makes a lot of noise? 16
- do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape m17
- h is the most dangerous animal in the Northern18
- do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.19
- is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late20
- mily of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice 21
- within a forest a little turtle began to clim22
- e once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle d23
- 's black and white, stinks and hangs from a li24
- did the slug say as he slipped down the windo25
system wymiany linków
system wymiany linków
wymiana linkami
Statystyki
Dowcipy angielskie: 11900
- stops a man for running a stop sign and
the s1
- e Tommy's kindergarten class was on a
field trip2
- y was
filling her tank at a gas
station, smoki3
- was driving when a policeman pulled him
over. 4
- ffic Policeman recently
stopped a
woman for ex5
- guy walked into a little corner store
with a s6
- ay there was a woman who lost her cat
named
"L7
- iceman spots a woman driving and knitting
at the8
- e Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced
with so9
- was an inebriated driver who was
pulled up by10
- cent trade talks the American
representative off11
- year old Little Johnny was lost, so he
went up t12
- op got out of his car
and the kid,
that was st13
News
Podejrzana zwartość damskiej torebki
Drogie Panie, zanim wybierzecie się na zakupy, sprawdźcie dokładnie swoje torebki. Okazuje się bowiem, że to, co w nich nosicie, może wzmóc czujność sklepowej ochrony.
Motocykle wyprzedzą karetki ratunkowe
<img src='http://bi.gazeta.pl/im/8/7652/z7652458M.jpg' align='left' hspace='4' vspace='2'>Ratownicy na motocyklach już niebawem pojawią się na ulicach Krakowa. Porozumienie w tej sprawie podpisali wojewoda małopolski i prezes Fundacji R2 skupiającej ochotników.
Inżynierowie na targach pracy
Prawie 40 firm zaprezentowało się na zakończonych wczoraj w Krakowie XII Inżynierskich Targach Pracy. Odwiedziło je blisko 8 tys. studentów.
Zmarł dominikanin, ojciec Joachim Badeni
<img src='http://bi.gazeta.pl/im/4/4633/z4633834M.jpg' align='left' hspace='4' vspace='2'>W wieku 97 lat w Krakowie zmarł w czwartek ojciec Joachim Badeni - dominikanin, współtwórca duszpasterstwa akademickiego Beczka, znany m.in. ze wspomnieniowych książek, poruszających tematy teologiczne i egzystencjalne. Do śmierci mieszkał w krakowskim klasztorze dominikanów.
Pobił dostawcę pizzy, gdy otrzymał rachunek
<img src='http://bi.gazeta.pl/im/3/7430/z7430903M.jpg' align='left' hspace='4' vspace='2'>W środę na jeden z krakowskich komisariatów policji zgłosił się 20-letni dostawca pizzy. Powiedział policjantom, że około południa pojechał z zamówioną pizzą pod wskazany adres. Gdy zadzwonił do drzwi z mieszkania wyszedł mężczyzna. 20-latek podał mu pizzę i wręczył rachunek. Wtedy mężczyzna uderzył go pięścią w głowę i zatrzasnął drzwi.
Szwecja wyda Andersa Högströma
<img src='http://bi.gazeta.pl/im/8/7501/z7501638M.jpg' align='left' hspace='4' vspace='2'>Anders Högström - Szwed podejrzany o podżeganie do kradzieży napisu „Arbeit macht frei", zostanie wydany Polsce.